Executive Thinking

A Thankless Job

Thoughts. Analysis. Wondering. Trying to figure something out. Trying to plan something. Imagining. Fantasizing.

All these processes that happen inside my head; they just happen. I want to replay a memory? It happens. I want to figure out why this works that way from there? I create different imagery, movement and results in my mind. It all just unfolds as I will it to, somewhere between my ears.

Why does a thought move along as I want it to?

I thought about this when recently trying to figure something out. I wanted to mentally start a solution process, and… nothing happened. I could not conjure square one from which to step towards step two and eventually a solution. I became aware of that there’s something the mind has to do, which it usually does automatically without my appreciation and awareness or conscious effort.

If I want to walk, and care to pay attention to the process, even ignoring all that must occur within me mentally, with nerves, muscles, balance and eyesight, I can at least see and appreciate how the movement starts and finishes and can feel some of the muscles (and if I want, strengthen them).

Thoughts? How they move from start to finish? I never gave that… thought.

We do see in extreme examples the absence of such seemingly automatic mind processes. Brain tumor, stroke, aneurism, head injury, dementia, Alzheimer’s… when something of the mind is damaged or goes awry, the deep complexity of a thought process is highlighted.

But when within the normal healthy hum of mind activity, I was oblivious to what is necessary for the most basic of human experience to flow. Something must activate and create incremental and continual occurrences for me to just think cogently. And if I’m not just daydreaming, but in a chess game, crafting business strategy, inventing a song, curating a phrase…? My expectation that the mind do its things as I wish to reap the benefits of its work, is almost shameful.

How dare I expect such execution and delivery, flawlessly, endlessly, always?

Well, at least I’ve had a blip of awareness and appreciation of it.

Now. Where was I?