Heartfelt Thoughtless Words

Why Don’t We Say What We Mean?

Human behavior often consists of unexamined rituals and mimicked words, without considering their meaning or relevance. Someone long ago decided what’s appropriate to say, others copied - either because the originator was of high social or religious stature, or had a cool beard, or it actually resonated at the time - and the practice took hold.

Over time though, things come apart. A toddler’s blankie is perfect at 2 years old, but decades later in the boardroom, not so much. Often, something’s reasoning might have evaporated but the action remains.

We do what we do; the why left the room long ago.

I’m not referring to language in general - a fascinating aspect of human evolution: Someone scratched lines a certain way, someone else made certain noises, and that’s how everyone now expresses and communicates. I’m talking within the accepted noises and wiggles, their meaning and how they’re being used, lost connection twenty exits ago, and yet they’re still in the same car.

Let’s use “thank you” and “you’re welcome” as examples.

Ever think about what they mean - or whether they even belong?

First of all, “thank” is a verb, okay? So “thank you” is like saying “Run you.” “Swim you.” “Punch you.”

Huh?

“Thank you,” sounds like you started a sentence and didn’t finish it. “Thank you… for…?” Did you mean to say “Thank you for whatever it is you gave me or did for me,” but you’re being efficient (cheap) with your words, and shortened your thanks, effectively not being thankful enough to actually say what you’re thankful for?

Nah. No one would own that position. So, what do we mean when we say “Thank you”?

Was it “I thank you,” - a reasonable and complete sentence - off which the “I” was dropped? Are we (again?) so efficient with our words that we drop perhaps the most important one?

There’s the ultra-efficient “Thanks” – a noun – one word, one syllable. Boom. Ironically, more grammatically correct than “Thank you.” But say “Thanks” and some people consider it half-assed and disrespectful. “I want the full “Thank you.” (They want the full, incomplete and perplexing version).

The best part though, is the response: “You’re welcome.”

What does that even mean? You’re welcome … to what? Are you entering my home?

On its face, it seems like a completely nonsensical response to “Thank you” – other than that it matches in senselessness.

What does “You’re welcome” mean?

Maybe it originally meant, “You’re welcome to what I gave you,” which is kinda absurd because you already got it. The transaction already completed. That’s like handing someone a donut, they thank you and you then say, “You’re welcome to have it.” Right. I already took a bite.

Maybe “you’re welcome” means to add: “You’re genuinely welcome to what I gave you and I enjoyed giving, wholeheartedly, with pleasure. ”Wouldn’t “No problem!”, “Anytime!”, “Happy to help!”, “It was my pleasure to” …all be cleaner, clearer, and more accurate ways to acknowledge thanks?

Seems so. Why then do we anyway use “You’re welcome”?

The truth (I eventually realize) is, that these phrases— “thank you,” “you’re welcome,” - don’t have to make sense. It doesn’t matter their origin or reason. By now they’re just placeholders. Miniaturized social tokens we exchange. Verbal currency. Meaningless in material, but valuable nevertheless in society.

We do this with actual currency too, by the way. A hundred-dollar bill is physically worth 20 cents but socially worth… I don’t know…. what does a hundred bucks get you nowadays? A Hulu subscription or previous generation AirPods?

We use and accept ritual gibberish to mean something other than its actual words.

Language as it’s used socially today, is often just habit, pretending to be meaning.